he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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