Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
