just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
