$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
