I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
