She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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