I must be too annoying 4 u.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
