Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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