I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they're like a gay fantastic four
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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