Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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