Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
