morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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