Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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