Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize