her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
