I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
