About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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