She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm like, not good at living.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize