Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
