i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
