just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Randomize
