Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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