peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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