just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize