My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
