I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
