i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
