my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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