i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
