I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
