u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
