Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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