I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
