Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
