I am spending my child support on dildos
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
