Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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