she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
