Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize