Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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