i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
