Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
