8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
