After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
