I seem to have left my pride at pride
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
