I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
