it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize