He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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