Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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