Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
