My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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