Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
