I love black thongs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
