Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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