dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
