the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I looked at my own cervix.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
