I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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