im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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