There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
