we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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