I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
