It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
