Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
