Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
