I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
