I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
