i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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