Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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