She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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