bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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