Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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