I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
