Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
