Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i now understand why vodka
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize