I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do herpes really smell.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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