I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
