You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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