I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
