...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
