Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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