I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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