C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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