I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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