just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
