I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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