Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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