With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize