I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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