allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
