Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
