i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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