MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
ok first of all what the fuck
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