So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
