Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
