it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
