She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize