does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
