FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
