I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
