This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
