That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
