I accidentally had phone sex last night
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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