worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
