PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
