That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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