He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
