I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
