If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Randomize
