Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
