margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
